The main thing on my mind lately is Sunday mornings. As weird as it seems, the thing that I used to love most, is now the thing I like the least. During the week I can go about my business and live my life, but on Sunday when we go to church, it reminds me that I am not in ministry right now, doing what I love. It's more than just church for me. When I am sitting in a chair participating with the congregation, it is actually frustrating for me because I am not actively helping out with the service. I know it sounds funny, but I really don't like going to church because of this. We have found a great church to go to. It's only a few miles from our house and very similar to the style that Ashley and I both love. I get frustrated not being on staff, although I know that this time right now, this time of transition will be very beneficial for me in the future. So... how do I deal with it?
The easiest thing for me to do is simply not go to church. Although, I have only taken this approach a few times, it is nice to be able to miss a sunday morning service occasionally without repercussions. Never fear, I watch the video online so I am not missing the teaching. I also listen to sermons on my ride to Huntington for my class, so I definitely get my filling of teaching (my favorite preacher right now BY FAR is Perry Noble @Newspring church in S. Carolina, if you haven't heard of him I strongly suggest listening to one of his sermons).
That is my last resort though. Most of the time I ask God what I am supposed to be learning in this time. I know that for certain Ashley and I are where we are supposed to be. In some ways its great to be able to step away from the church and look and see, experience life, and spend time with my wife. When I was in the church it was constant work. I always thought about work, the next lesson plan, the next event, who I should be spending more time with, what game I need to be going to... and it was unhealthy. It was my fault. I did not give Ashley enough of my time and I do not want to live the rest of my life like that. So... right now, I am learning how to deal with that. I am learning how to manage my time. I am learning how to go through a meal without checking my email on my phone, or answering every call I get. It's alright for us to be inaccessible at times. Ask me that a year ago and I would have told you that I am available any time, day or night. Now, I am learning that in order to have a life and family of my own, there are times when my wife is more important than any other thing in the world, including txt messaging.
God is making me into a better person and a better pastor right now. Sometimes its really hard for me to deal with working at Sears, not doing what I was created to and other times, its really easy. Lately, because I have been deprived from my motorcycle time, it's been harder for me. When it gets hard, it seems thats when I have to make it intentional otherwise its so easy for me to get bitter. I have had a horrible problem lately looking online a church position openings. There are a few churches around this area looking for pastors (youth, worship, associate...) that I would love to send my resume to but I just don't feel like God is leading me there yet. He is still molding me and shaping me and I must be patient right now.
Another way that I have been dealing with all of this is I have been taking advantage of being able to go to other churches! Last Saturday night Ashley and I went to Pine Hills, our church, but then on Sunday morning we visited Blackhawk Ministries. One of my coworkers told me about her church and we wanted to check it out so we went to see their church. Just visiting other churches makes this time more valuable for me. First, I never get to visit other churches so its great to be able to do that, and second, I get all sorts of ideas! When we were sitting there, I had so many ideas of things that were good ideas that I will probably be able to implement in my future. God is helping me grow in so many ways I can't even see them all!
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